Sweaters, birthday parties, fake toss, doggystyle, blanket jokes and vanishing… the hassle we go through our canine companions never ends. What if the tables could be turned and they could trick us? What if dogs could celebrate April 1? I shudder at the thought. The payback period would be tough.
“I’ll fool my human into thinking I haven’t already been fed once.”
We sure would be fools if we didn’t think every dog on the planet would go for this prank. In my household, we have accidentally given our dogs a second second time several times – they didn’t even have to be involved! They wouldn’t waste talents pretending to be starving because we’re stupid enough to feed them more than once on our own! « Dog 1; human 0.
“I ignore her calls and let her think I ran away.”
Several times I have come home only to be greeted by Mina and not Fritz. After much yelling, I start to panic, “Ohmydog… did Fritz somehow get out and wander?!” Increasingly higher and frenetic calls eventually lead to me seeing my ‘deaf’ boy lying in a tucked-away chair and looking at me like I’m crazy. “Huh. Maybe next time you’ll take me, woman.’ « Dog 2; human 0.
“I’ll just blame this poop on my furry sibling.”
Despite our best efforts to ensure plenty of potty opportunities, sometimes poop happens. If our furry creatures participated in April Fool’s Day, you can bet your rear dog would be playing some kind of prank on Dookie. Carefully and strategically placed on a multicolored rug or floor surface to camouflage it. And wait for it to get cold. And then smile a dog when a human steps in, without socks. I know this from personal experience. « Dog 3; human 0; dog sibling fault 0.
“I stare into this dark corner of the house, put my ears back and growl.”
Dogs know that humans are often weird and irrational creatures. If they knew some of us were superstitious, believed in ghosts and believed that looking between a dog’s ears could visibly reveal the presence of a ghost, they would surely mess with us 100% on every occasion. Especially after watching a scary movie or when you are alone. My shepherd, Mina, who is very sensitive to everything, is a fine person for this. If I didn’t have my shepherd, Fritz, around to counter Mina’s over-vigilance in open closets and scary hallways with his constant lounging and snoring, I’d be worried. « Dog 4; human 0.
“Look, Mom! I have found a friend!”
I don’t know about your dogs, but if mine ever got hold of that squirrel that they constantly taunt, they’d bring it straight to me, just for entertainment value. They brought whatever they thought would shock me right onto my lap and jumped and prancing for joy, thinking my scream was in rapture. « Dog 5; human 0.
“I wait for mommy to leave the kitchen and then steal (insert food of choice here) and make her think she’s crazy.”
Not long ago, I sliced and cooked 2 pounds of salmon with salt, pepper, and olive oil and left it on the counter on a cutting board, waiting for my family to return for the night before I started cooking it. I poured myself a glass of wine and sat right outside the kitchen to enjoy some afternoon sun and fresh air. After 10 minutes I went back in to check a few other things but something was wrong. Something I couldn’t quite put my finger on. Then it dawned on me: the salmon had run out. All 2 pounds of it. Gone in the sky. I looked at both dogs in disbelief. Fritz would never do that. Always the opportunist and never guilty of things that bring her so much joy, Mina looked at me with her angelic soulful eyes and blew on me with the heaviest salmon breath. « Dog 6; human (and family) 0.
“I just roll in this dirt and mud after I take a bath. The joke is on you, Mom!”
My dogs hate water. No amount of cooing and flattering could ever cure them of their hatred of bathing. Can I tell you how many times I’ve bathed them, which is no small feat considering they’re both 85lbs, only to turn around 20 minutes later to find them rolled in something dirty? As if to say, “I don’t like baths, and this is what I think – and you!” « Dogs 7; human 0.
Yes, there is no doubt about it. If dogs dug their paws in the April Fool’s tradition, we’d be toasting. Fortunately, they are much more interested in food, walking, cuddling and love.