Decisive Actions at Zorro’s Zecurity – Angel Dog Diary

There was a meeting at Zorro’s Zecurity where only the board of directors and senior managers were allowed to attend. I happened to be in the office working overtime and overhearing the discussions. Goldie said the company was in good shape, but just in case something bad happened and the company went under, they all had to take decisive action in secret. She listed the following action points:

Arrange a meeting and a press conference and declare that everything is under control and that everyone’s jobs are safe. Say firmly that all rumors to the contrary are lies.

Dump your stock.

Review the company’s financial obligations and prioritize payments in this order: a) My Salary, Savings Plans, Bonuses, and Golden Parachute. b) The salaries of executives and senior managers, bonuses, savings plans and golden parachutes. c) taxes (governments can be so vengeful). When money is short, plunder the savings and pension schemes of the lower staff.

Fire the staff except lawyers (necessary to defend management in lawsuits, and if you fire a lawyer, he can sue you). Keep the finance department (except for some low-ranking clerks), they know where the money is, and Preserving Human Resources (again, the low level HR people can go). Human resource department will always be the last to be fired, because they actually do the dismissal.

“HR will now have you sign a non-disclosure agreement on virtually everything in Zorro’s Zecurity. If you don’t sign, you won’t get any compensation, contractual or not, and our lawyers will come after you and it won’t be pretty.”

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